Re-entry.

The amazing adventure of a lifetime ended pretty much how it started. I went to the airport with a few friends from SAS and we all sat down to eat dinner together at a grill and finally get legit, American food. I had fried chicken and waffle fries...can't get much more American than that! Afterward, I proceeded to feel the effects of not having eaten greasy food in months. I said a couple more incredibly tearful goodbyes and we all went our separate ways. The weather to greet us was of course, rain. Not just a shower though, it was hard, stormy rain. Flights were being cancelled and delayed left and right, but fortunately we all were supposedly on time. I boarded my flight, trying to fight through the tears and sorrow I was feeling about going home and I tried to be hopeful about soon seeing my parents and sleeping in my nice warm bed for the night. I got on my plane to find out that my flight was going to be delayed an hour, roughly an hour later, we were still sitting on the runway...another hour went by when we finally were preparing to take off. At that point, my connecting flight in Philadelphia was just preparing to leave. Sweet. They had said that many flights were being delayed in Philly as well, so I just hoped and prayed for the best.

I got off my plane in Philadelphia and headed to the desk to see if I could still make my flight, the woman responded, "It's boarding now...you better hurry." I looked at her frantically and asked, "Can I make it?" She said, "If you leave now." That was all I needed. I took off toward my terminal in a frenzy. There was no way I was getting stranded in Philadelphia for the night. A few minutes later, I made it to my gate to find out that the flight had left...a few minutes earlier. Hanging my head, I walked over to the help desk to find out when I could actually get a flight home. In the mean time, I called my friend who just moved to Philly for school to see if I could crash with her for the night. The next flight out was around 12PM the next afternoon. I took my ticket and headed to meet Kelly. On the up side, I had a friend there to stay with and I could have had a lot worse of a time than that. On the down side, I wouldn't get time to go home before moving in to school. Not only would I not get to go home, I wouldn't make it to school until around 5PM the next day in order to start classes the next day.

I got a good night sleep and got to catch up with Kelly very briefly and then it was time to get back to the airport and try again. The flight was fairly short and we were landing in Pittsburgh before I knew it. I walked off the plane and toward baggage claim, wondering where I would find my parents. Wandering around, not paying much attention, I heard my name being shouted. I looked over and there was my mom and my grandma. When we were boarding the plane earlier, I had been paying attention to try and see my luggage not knowing where it would end up. I hadn't seen it. Luckily, Mom's first words were, "We already found your luggage!" My dad was standing over by the luggage place waiting for me to get there. We hopped in the car and took off towards school. I got to talk to them shortly and got to get moved in to school without too much trouble, but as emotional and frustrated as ever.

The transition back has been one of the more difficult things I've ever done. The only way I can think to explain it is, it feels like I broke up with my boyfriend. It's that feeling that something is missing and I kind of just want to cry all the time. My appetite hasn't been spectacular because regular food seems to make me kind of sick. It just feels so empty here. I don't really ever feel that happy, but it's not like I'm all gloomy and Eeyore-esque either. I just don't feel right. I can't really sleep well because I'm not used to the cars driving past my window and the bells waking me up in the morning. For the first time in my life, I have been waking up disoriented and not knowing where I am or why I'm not on the ship. I don't understand why I'm not being rocked to sleep or why there's no humming engine to lull me to sleep. I miss the ship and the crew, but most of all I miss my friends. I miss openly talking about everything with people that I only knew for two months and being completely comfortable with it. I'm tired of not being happy and not knowing how to be content with life. It's not even that I miss the adventure so much, I just miss the comfort. I miss sitting up on the top deck, wind blowing through my hair, waves crashing against our vessel, only water for miles and miles around. What I wouldn't give to feel that again. I never really feel comfortable where I'm at. I think one of my biggest problems is the fact that I wasn't really looking forward to seeing anyone here too much. It's not that there aren't people here that I'm happy to see, but the girl who was probably the person I spent 99% of my time with and her boyfriend both graduated and are gone. My brother and a lot of his friends also graduated. Then a bunch of other people graduated and are gone too. I wasn't excited to come back and I wasn't looking forward to it. I'm trying to be happy and content here, but it just doesn't seem to be working out for me. No one really understands. Even the people I was with on Semester at Sea just don't really get it and of course, life is just kind of frustrating right now.

I don't like being back here where it's cold and rainy. I hate that so many of my friends aren't here and that I don't recognize half the people on my campus. I'm tired of being emotional and always wanting to cry and thinking of Semester at Sea in everything that I do. I hate the feeling that I really don't fit in with anyone here. I feel like maybe things will get better once I can finally go home and see some of the people that I miss the most. But I still don't know if the emptiness will be gone and if I will be happy again. It sounds stupid and messed up, but it really happens and it really is tough. They told me re-entry would be hard, but I had no idea.